


Tier List Rodrigue

by Bowser_Sourpuss_Bread



Series: Tales From The Garreg Mach School of Peace: My Three Houses Modern AU [9]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad coping with trauma, Gen, I feel like they should have discussed that issue of Felix's more in canon, I love the meme though, Thinking about a meme seriously, Tier List Rodrigue, Using the gym to process your emotions is valid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-19 14:23:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22779160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bowser_Sourpuss_Bread/pseuds/Bowser_Sourpuss_Bread
Summary: Felix discovers a list that his father is on.
Series: Tales From The Garreg Mach School of Peace: My Three Houses Modern AU [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629751
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Tier List Rodrigue

**Author's Note:**

> That feeling when you think about a meme, and then make it angst.
> 
> I wasn't sure about the ratings for this one, but know that this fic contains references to homophobic policies in the military, discussions of how sex scandals (real or imagined) can destroy careers, and a list that is sexual in nature made without consent. I'm not sure how those things combined affect ratings, but I figured I'd be on the safe side.
> 
> Whatever feels like the right decision for you is the right decision.

Felix does not report the list for  _ his _ sake. He reports it to protect the others. He doesn’t know who those other men are, but in some fields, there isn’t any room for joking.

Sylvain  _ squirms _ next to him at the assembly about “the importance of respecting others” and “how sexualization can be toxic,” but Felix knows that his roommate didn’t make the list. Sylvain has met his father. Sylvain is attracted to all genders, but he is not attracted to his father.

Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius is not a, as the tier list proclaimed, DILF.

Felix doesn’t know where the tier list came from. It doesn’t matter, really. It was some juvenile  _ game _ , despite how uncomfortable it made him feel. And that doesn’t matter either. Because he’s not the one who could have his career destroyed at the drop of a hat. The military doesn’t play games.

* * *

Felix does what he always does when his thoughts are too jumbled and his chest hurts from the maelstrom of emotions. At times like these, he gets unmoored from time. He is buffeted by the whirlpool of life that inexorably pulls towards death, and all he can taste is salt. He knows more than his brother died at The Tragedy of Duscur. He knows there were things lost that are so much more important than one noble boy’s innocence, but when he thinks back to what his father told him, he can’t  _ breathe _ .

So Felix Hugo Fraldarius goes to the gym. There, he can’t breathe for normal reasons. Because he’s exercising. Because he’s beating this flesh vessel into submission. Because the whirlpool of life may inexorably pull towards death, but he’s not dead yet.

And every life matters.

Even the King of Fools. He walks in with his pink sidekick. Felix puts down the dumbells. “You can’t be in here,” he tells Claude von Riegan.

“That non-athletes can’t come in here is a myth,” Hilda Valentine Goneril huffs. “Besides, even if there was some sort of rule, he’s my  _ guest _ .”

Claude is the King of Fools, but Hilda is true queen. She may never show up to any practices, but at the games, she always comes in clutch. There’s a reason why the Garreg Mach teams have claimed the color pink. The sports she’s not involved in try to channel her power.

Felix doesn’t have a death wish. He leaves them alone.

But they can’t just shut up and work out like normal people. Silently. Claude reclines on the bench press like it’s a  _ sofa _ while Hilda starts lifting across from him.

“Well, we’re at your angry place, Hilda. Are you ready to get angry?” She grunts in assent. “We had our house leader meeting  _ before _ the assembly, and although Seteth’s tone was way more cautionary, Edelgard went right into policing mode! She yelled at me, despite there being  _ no _ evidence that it was me!”

“Don’t let her get to you, Claudie-kins. She just yells at people to try to be in control when she can’t.”

“And I get that! But then when I try to defend myself, she says that it doesn’t matter because _it surely must have_ _one of you hooligans_.”

Hilda pauses. “She used the word hooligans? What is she, a grandma!?”

“It was peak boomer energy. And that’s the thing: She only acted that way towards  _ us _ . Dimitri offered to have a conversation with his house, but she immediately got apologetic towards him! And obviously, there’s no need to look into her house! And consider  _ us _ . Us, the house with the largest number of students from low-income backgrounds. Us, the house with the non-white leader. Us, the house representing the country that’s the weakest on the continent. And they let her get away with it because she’s yelling at  _ me _ . And I get it: I’m a hooligan. But this isn’t about  _ me _ . If we want the future of Fodlan to be peaceful…”

Hilda gets off the bench press and goes to comfort Claude.

The gym is not a place for crying. Felix trains his expression in stone. Eventually,  _ finally _ , the tears stop. Hilda asks an important question. “So who do you think  _ did _ do it?”

“Lorenz-”

“Claude. I know he can be annoying, but Lorenz did  _ not _ make a DILF tier list.”

“Oh, you’re right. But Lorenz is the one who leaked it.”

“I’m not following.”

“Lorenz frequently goes out to other areas of campus, especially the Black Eagles’ dorms. And I’m not saying that  _ Ferdinand _ made a DILF tier list either, but I know that Ferdinand thinks that whatever Lorenz says is worth showing off. Hilda, you recognized those assets. That meme format was  _ stolen _ ! From  _ our _ memes chat!” Hilda sighs in understanding. “Try as Edelgard tries to hide it, The Black Eagles are chaotic too. They’re not like The Blue Lions.”

As the duo leave, Felix remembers that Claude von Riegan is not The King of Fools for lack of insight but for he channels that intelligence into petty pursuits. Life doesn’t play games.

* * *

As Felix checks his phone the next morning, he is reminded of just how much life doesn’t play games. One rumor can undo a lifetime of constructing of an identity. And no one reads the stuff in the fine print afterwards.

Just take The Tragedy of Duscur. Experts agree that it was orchestrated by a party separate from the people of Duscur, but it doesn’t matter. Families like his were torn apart, so families like Dedue’s had to be.

Felix stares at the screen listlessly. He can see his father’s face among the headlines. He knows that the history of dishonorable discharges for being gay isn’t too far behind the present day, and all they need is some  _ beast _ to make the connections from one inane conspiracy to another, and that’s history.

His father is many things, but one thing he does not need to be is a mugshot in the history of tabloids. He calls him.

It doesn’t even ring once. “...Felix? I  _ am _ reading that number right, right?” Felix says nothing. “Felix, can you call me back?” There is fear in his old man’s voice, like if he lets Felix go, he’ll slip through his fingers, claimed by the sands of time. “I’m driving.”

“It’s important,” Felix informs him.

“I’m pulling over.” Several beats, then, “What is it, Felix? Are you somewhere safe?” Nowhere is safe. They know this better than anyone, but he’s in a comparatively safe place, yes. Felix tells his father this. Word for word. “What do you need to tell me?” He can hear the ghost of the word on his lips, but Felix isn’t his son anymore. Because there’s no such thing as  _ dying like a true soldier _ . That implies heroism in the vortex.

Felix tells the man about the list. He waits for the gasp. He waits for the tears, as his father remembers when he realized that who he was considered wrong. What Felix gets, though, is laughter. “DILFs were my gay awakening.” He corrects himself, of course, re-aligning with the timeline he had told Felix when  _ he _ came out. Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius, heir to the title Shield of Faerghus, knew he was homosexual since middle school, but he felt the need to be the Shield of Faerghus, whatever that meant, so he joined the military, married a woman, had one kid, didn’t like the experience, hoped the second time would be better, but it wasn’t, but she didn’t like it either, so they separated because they’re both emotionally mature adults, and it doesn’t matter who you love, Son, it’s the communication that matters. Rodrigue explains that while  _ he _ thinks it’s funny, Felix was absolutely right to get it addressed because character assassination is no joke.

His father says he’s proud of him.

And there’s no connection to Glenn or The Tragedy of Duscur or even the title of Shield of Faerghus, which Felix wants to die with Glenn. Faerghus shouldn’t need shielding, least of all human shields. His father just says he’s proud of him.

And it feels good. Felix wants to feel like that again. It makes him feel like the pull towards death isn’t as fast. “Rodrigue?” The safe name they had decided on. “I would like to try this again.”

“Try what again?”

Felix takes a deep breath. Then he takes the plunge. “You being my father.”

He can  _ feel _ the breath leave his father’s body. “I would like to try this too,” he gasps. “Thank you. Because… Because… Communication matters.”

Felix decides to test that out. “Then may I speak frankly?”

“Of course,” Father hiccups.

“What the  _ fuck _ is that picture?” He sends the picture he took of it, in its grainy, blurry, JPEG glory.

“Oh, that must be from the registration from your school! They wanted a picture for the directory!”

“I am going to communicate to you how to take a better picture from your webcam? Phone? What is that from..?”


End file.
